Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

I am going to be very see-through in today's writing. Why? Because I need to be honest. VERY honest. I have a story, more like stories, to tell about a God that is bigger than me. He chases after me with a passion unlike anything I have ever known.

Let's take a look back to June...I could not rid myself of this question..."Mirror, mirror on the wall...who is the biggest fake of them all?" As I would look in my reflection the answer would come screaming back at me, "YOU!" I had lived most of my adult life looking into a mirror and not liking what I saw. I don't mean my hair, my body, my smile, etc. I mean my eyes, and I don't mean the color of them...I mean the lies that they held, the buried secrets, the need for anonymity. I LOVED lots of people to be around me, and I mean a lot. I hid well in a lot of people. My "personality" could be unleashed and I could make people belly laugh at a moments notice. Very few get to see me one on one. That was far too intimate for me. That might have required baring myself to them. That could have produced pain.

I hated looking in the mirror. I saw a coward for many years. I KNEW God had plans for me, yet I constantly told Him no. I would then become so disenchanted with Him when I wasn't happy, joyful, or just not getting my way. I knew bondage and obligation and guilt. I knew it well.

I NEVER want to forget where I once was...I ALWAYS want to remember. Not in order to LIVE in the past...but to be constantly aware of it and to be constantly reminded that life outside of Jesus is no life at all.

I have recently surrendered all. I can honestly say wherever He leads I will follow, when He waits, I will wait and when He moves, I will move.

Now, when I look into the mirror...I don't have to wonder what I am looking at...who that person really is...whether I will be "found out". What I see is a beautiful child of God surrendered to the love of her life, I see a life changed, I can honestly say out loud to myself, "you are different. You are different because of Him." I am forgiven and I am moving forward, with Him...IN Him.

God has revealed to me a great love living inside of me; the Holy Spirit. Thank you Jesus for your wholly broken body; for your sacrifice. It is truly Amazing Grace that set me free. AND I do mean TRULY free...I am FREE...Free Indeed!

For ME

"Sweet Girl, I delivered you for Me." Words that I found very disappointing initially.

I have had so many things going through my head, heart, and soul over the past several months. They are  culminating into something pretty wonderful! I will say when I sat down with pen to paper asking God to clearly put the words in my head that He was trying to tell me...I asked Him specifically, "Lord, why did you deliver me?" "what is it that you require from me?" "what do you want me to do with that deliverance?" "Where do I need to go, what do I need to do?"

I felt a welling up in my chest and I just KNEW He was about to spill a tons of words out onto that page through my fingers and pen. Then he had me write, "Sweet Girl, I delivered you for Me." Then that feeling that He was going to continue to speak to me was over, I had peace and I knew He was finished talking. I received that words I had asked for from God, but I felt short-changed. I was looking for some great detailed, mapped-out explanation of what I was going to do with all of this "deliverance". Yet, all I received was "Sweet Girl, I delivered you for Me."

Really? That is all I got? I knew I felt more peaceful...but I certainly did NOT know why. It seemed too simple. Too elementary of a statement to me.

But, was it? Certainly not. It took this thick-headed believer almost a week for her proverbial light bulb to go off in her head. HE DELIVERED ME FOR HIM! That's it! He doesn't NEED me to do anything but be with Him. He took all of my pressure off of me...he granted me true rest, true freedom and released any expectation that I may fail at whatever He was asking of me!

I realize that some of you will say, "Duh!". But, this was more profound to me than that. I have been a worker bee my entire life and I learned the freedom of complete surrender in August...but I had not yet realized that He truly just wants me to be with Him. That's it. He wants me to love Him. That's it. He wants me to be in a relationship with Him. That's it.

Everything else is purely a blessing. No strings attached, no room for failure, no expectations. As long as I am focused on my relationship with Him, everything else will happen as He wants it to.

What an amazing statement He made to me! I could write a 10 page explanation of what that one sentence now means to me.

I love you God, more and more every minute!

"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery."
Galations 5:1 (NIV)